Every time you forgive, you dissolve a condition you have placed on your own capacity to love. Every time you forgive, love is awakened in you more deeply and your capacity to extend love is increased. That is the nature of the journey.
It is a central paradox of desert experience that only that which dies can live again. The fundamental rule of the divine life is this: the one who loses, wins. The carefree playfulness and freedom of the Holy One are mysteries entered only on the farside of darkness and death.